Taking a step back from my career in school-based education, was a huge step for me. It did not come lightly and was propelled by some outside forces that were completely out of my control. In the beginning, I was lost. Scared and afraid. I could not put words to where my fear was coming from or perhaps why it even existed. I was tired. Physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I have asked myself over and over in the last few months, “Is it time to break-up with education?”
As an educator, there is an implied idea that the students should always come first. There is an overwhelming amount of pressure to be sure that their needs are being met and we are meeting deadlines and goals. Often this comes at cost—not just to the teacher and their self-care but to the students that they serve because the system is built for masses not individuals. When an educator makes a “mistake” (keep in mind I am not talking about egregious ethics violations) the ramifications can be perceived as enormous. Everyone is quick to judge and be critical while forgetting that the one thing we want teachers to excel at with our own children is probably what the teacher needs the most in that moment, grace.
My reflection nearly four months later gives me so much insight into the grace my profession lacked. It was a cup that I poured from tirelessly and endlessly, but was rarely replenished through the system that was supposed to support me. I realized I had spent the last few years in a straight go-mode, auto-pilot, navigating from one crisis to another, never giving myself the time to reprieve. What kept me going every day was simply the people: my colleagues, other teachers, and all students. I felt that I had to keep going—that if I didn’t, I would be failing them. Then one day, I was forced to slow down and sit in my own thoughts and heart.
I am not blaming the system in its entirety for being the reason why I needed to pause. I can come to the table and acknowledge that I did not advocate for myself or find the resources that I needed to care for myself personally and professionally. Using the airplane analogy, I forgot to put on my own mask. I allowed chaos to become my reality.
Still, I cannot seem to walk away from education. It permeates my being. I am incredibly unsure of what the future holds for me as I embark on a new journey (and this time not because of a moving truck-see the page on this website, “Who is Mrs. Allison?” to understand). What I am confident about is this is not a break-up from education, but rather a break-through. Time for me to grow, learn, and find my new way to connect to make a lasting difference.