Author: mrs.allison2018

Taking a step back from my career in school-based education, was a huge step for me.  It did not come lightly and was propelled by some outside forces that were completely out of my control.  In the beginning, I was lost.  Scared and afraid.  I could not put words to where my fear was coming from or perhaps why it even existed. I was tired. Physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted.  I have asked myself over and over in the last few months, “Is it time to break-up with education?”

As an educator, there is an implied idea that the students should always come first.  There is an overwhelming amount of pressure to be sure that their needs are being met and we are meeting deadlines and goals.  Often this comes at cost—not just to the teacher and their self-care but to the students that they serve because the system is built for masses not individuals.  When an educator makes a “mistake” (keep in mind I am not talking about egregious ethics violations) the ramifications can be perceived as enormous.  Everyone is quick to judge and be critical while forgetting that the one thing we want teachers to excel at with our own children is probably what the teacher needs the most in that moment, grace.  

My reflection nearly four months later gives me so much insight into the grace my profession lacked.  It was a cup that I poured from tirelessly and endlessly, but was rarely replenished through the system that was supposed to support me.  I realized I had spent the last few years in a straight go-mode, auto-pilot, navigating from one crisis to another, never giving myself the time to reprieve.  What kept me going every day was simply the people: my colleagues, other teachers, and all students.  I felt that I had to keep going—that if I didn’t, I would be failing them.  Then one day, I was forced to slow down and sit in my own thoughts and heart.

I am not blaming the system in its entirety for being the reason why I needed to pause.  I can come to the table and acknowledge that I did not advocate for myself or find the resources that I needed to care for myself personally and professionally. Using the airplane analogy, I forgot to put on my own mask. I allowed chaos to become my reality.  

Still, I cannot seem to walk away from education.  It permeates my being.  I am incredibly unsure of what the future holds for me as I embark on a new journey (and this time not because of a moving truck-see the page on this website, “Who is Mrs. Allison?” to understand).  What I am confident about is this is not a break-up from education, but rather a break-through.  Time for me to grow, learn, and find my new way to connect to make a lasting difference. 

On this rainy Veteran’s Day morning and on the heels of one of the largest midterm elections in American history, I woke up considering the “whys” of public education.  I quickly found myself looking up some information on the historical why behind creating a compulsory education system (this can 100 percent become a rabbit hole if you let it, our system is fascinating).  Hours later, one particular article stuck out to me. It highlighted that by the mid 1800s there were three basic assumptions related to the creation of public education by the mid 1800s. These assumptions include: that schools should be free & supported by public tax dollars, teachers should be trained, and children should be required to attend school (Wendy Patterson, Buffalo State University website). 

None of this felt far-fetched to me, this had connected to everything I have ever learned about public schools. What these assumptions do not provide is the “hows” and “whens.”  These are the factors can lead to very passionate discussion and debate that this entry will not dive into yet. What it did leave me with was the lasting thought of “why” I sent my own children to public schools, especially in a world with so many options.  I mean we have everything from home school to school “at home” (aka virtual school).  I quickly realized that I sent my own kids because I believe in schools.  I stand committed to our public education system because I see value in my kids learning from different people.  More than just me and my close circle.  

As public-school students they were able to see how people approach the world from their own unique lenses, to meet kids who don’t always share in the same stories, to create their own perspective (that is not a mirror image to my own), to learn compassion and kindness in interacting with their peers, to see conflict resolution in real time, and to have a better overall view of the world around them.  Have they been “hurt” at school?  Absolutely, beyond a shadow of doubt.  Have I been pained by watching them hurt in this world? Absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt.  But these moments make us all human.  I realized I sent them to school not just to meet an expectation or learn all of the national education standards, but to be empowered and become their own person.  

While this is my why, I know everyone has their own.  It may stem from their own experience in the classroom, where they grew up, the resources made available to them, or maybe the challenges and barriers they have faced with their own children in the system.  Each why is one piece in the puzzle that drives the system that runs every day.  With all of the conflict going on related to the discussion around education, it is important that we reconnect to our why.  Perhaps this means we spend more time considering why we send our kids each day and what we want them to take away from their experience.  

Most schools are 35-40 hours a week for nine to ten months of the year, so we have to ask what do we want them to take away from their time?  Obviously, we want them learn how to read, write, and compute math, but what other skills do we want them to take away?  How can we as parents support this purpose and the educators tasked with caring for our kids each day?  A teacher friend once said to me that “she loves shaping little humans,” so if humanity depends on us working together than we need to get busy. We have to begin seeing this as an opportunity to have a deeper conversation to grow.  If we begin all of our decisions with connecting to our why as parents, we can stop getting pulled into the sound bites and connect to the kids sitting in our own living rooms.  Maybe we need to just take a moment and ask them their thoughts and more importantly their why.

“From 1871 to 2021: A Short History of Education in the United States” by Wendy Paterson.  https://suny.buffalostate.edu/news/1871-2021-short-history-education-united-states

There is a certain vulnerability in exposing yourself to the world through your lens by writing.  I began this blog over the summer, but I have been sitting on it.  Trying to find the best “opportunity” to share myself and thoughts with the world.  As you might have expected that time did not arrive in a perfectly packaged box with a beautiful bow.  Instead it crept up in my dreams, my thoughts, my all of my downtime.  I found myself looking in the mirror wondering why I was holding back.  I asked, “Would the world view me as a fraud?” and “Would my voice fall flat?”

Although I never found the answer to those questions, I have acknowledged through my own words to my students and my children that these insecurities should not carry so much space in my thoughts and heart.  I told myself, “You may not be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok” just like I told the 7^th grade girls in my office who were on the verge of fighting in the hallway over social media drama.  I echoed my own words, “Follow your heart,” that I shared with both of my daughters as they made some big decisions about their future. 

This all showed me that this is all the more reason to put out this blog.  To acknowledge the space and power between teacher/parent and student and weight that it carries into the world.  We often spend so much of our time analyzing how we can impart our knowledge and wisdom on the kids.  We often forget to give credence to the lessons that the kids can teach us.  Whether it is from the moments they reflect back and mirror the things we need the most or the moments they call us out on our inconsistencies (this will be for another blog).  

So today, I am taking the proverbial leap, jumping in head first, diving off the cliff.….or maybe just sharing on my socials and sending to some of my closest professional colleagues.  Hey a step is a step, right? If anything you read here resonates with you, please share.  Feel free to comment or message me.  I would love to have feedback or guest contributors.   

What’s next?

I am finally putting together my thoughts few weeks after the Ulvade tragedy. It is hard to comprehend that we are living in a world where children in the United States are not safe at school.  Each headline and news story related to school violence makes this more and more terrifying. 

At the same time, I am reflecting on the ending of a school year that proved to be the most challenging in my career. I quickly realized this fall that it is a new territory, post-pandemic.  So many of our systems want us to get back to “business” as usual, but what is usual now in education? Let’s face it, none of us are the same. 

I have spent the last few months, talking to our young teachers and previous students.  I am hearing echoes of why they are abandoning a field of education. It is not just because of the pay, teachers typically do not enter the field for the dollars and cents.  One of the most common themes in their mass exodus is the divide, between: parents/teachers, students/teachers, leadership/teachers. They feel disenfranchised and not supported with the hardest work of just building relationships and connecting. 

How do we connect again after being so far apart? It has to be more than compliance and training. We need a “moment” where our hands and hearts connect. If this is not the time, when is?